Mother's Best Advice On Self-Care While Mastering Motherhood

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She hot glued the last diamond to my custom bra, her blouse has been the entire kleenex box during times of discomfiture, conjointly with her caring words which became my form of affirmations. 

My mother’s child-centrism parenting style caused me to have a long-lasting concern about her self-care practices and happiness. 

There are a million reasons to why I’m beholden to my mother for painting the blank canvas of what love and compassion visually look like. Each stroke was carefully yet intentionally created to sustain her goal “to have more than I had, not just materialistically but emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.” 

Till this day, I’m grateful for the tools she provided for me to make a priority to strive daily to polish my character. 

Moreover, as I wax on and off, something in my gut did not feel right. 

I felt selfish. The New York native unapologetically prioritized her daughter's well-being above her own. Unfortunately, I witnessed her sacrifice her pleasures and pursuits just to reach her number one goal. 

In a study published in the Social Psychological and Personality Science, examined the positive and negative affect in the relationship between child-centrism and parents well-being.  Two studies, one consisted of interviewing 136 parents who agreed with self-sacrificing statements, such as "the happiness of my children is more important to me than my own happiness." In addition, they also measured the time and amount invested towards their children under the age of 18.

 The second study provided the parents with a reconstructed day-to-day schedule that allowed them to analyze the parent's emotions during the various activities such as working, eating, and spending time with their children. 

In results, studies have shown child-centrism motivates parents into believing that their child's happiness is more important than their own. According to these particular parents, this is essential to their child's upbringing. However, studies have also shown parents had negative effects while emerging themselves into non-childcare related activities. 

As a woman with no children, there’s no advice or comments I can honestly give. I spoke out yet did not feel it was my place to comment on my mother's parenting. On the other hand, my frustration derived from noticing my mother not displaying the importance of self-care that of which was preached to me. Above all, she states, there are no regrets besides not scheduling more frequent spa appointments for two. 

After many studies and dialogues I was left with numerous questions, could there possibly be a balance of indulging in self-mastery in your child while sharing financial and emotional resources amongst each other? 

Do you have to end your journey of what you envision for yourself because you want to be the best mom you can be?

As I interviewed 6 entrepreneur parents, I dove into the topics of self-sacrificing and balancing while mastering motherhood. 

Saucye West

Plus size model, creator of #fatandfree campaign

www.saucyewestplusmodel.com
www.facebook.com/saucyewestplusmodel
www.instagram.com/saucyewest

Q: How do you maintain a balance between your entrepreneur life and raising a child? 

A: With a strong support system. My mother helps me a lot. I also have my daughters godmother as well. Her father is no longer with us so it is hard some days not having that other support but we are ok. And I'm able to balance and still go after my dream

Q: Has anyone told you that you could not balance a business while being a mother? 

A: Absolutely! Not fitting into the cookie cutter stereotype of what a mother should do is something I get criticized about a lot. I waited till I was 30 to go after a dream. But I think that me doing this and my daughter one day knowing what I did will inspire her. 

Q: What are some tips you can share with other moms about practicing self-care? 

A: I think it's important to not forget about yourself. Do something for yourself often. You deserve it. We have a life or lives that we are responsible for but we can't forget to love ourselves 

Ashley Ann

Owner of Diamonds in The Ruff

www.diamondsintheruffgrooming.com

 Q: What are some tips you can share with other moms about practicing self-care? 

A: The first crucial tip that I would share with moms would be to always take care of yourself. I was raised on the saying “You can’t help anyone, if you aren’t ok first.”. Second tip; always have confidence in yourself, don’t ever feel like just because you’re a mom, you don’t deserve the best also. Most important tip that I can give, is to remember your child is watching every move that you make, therefore set the example.

  Q: Why do you feel there is this misconception of “self-sacrifice” while being a mom? and the misconception of parents must give up their dreams?

A: Honestly, I think some mothers are just scared. They’re either worried about being misjudged or missing moments in their children’s life, and that can be discouraging for anyone. Some women believe that they can only have one role, and that couldn’t be any further from the truth. This goes back to what I said earlier, our children watch every move that we make. We are their example, and we should want nothing but the best for them. If we follow our dreams as parents, our children will grow having that same mindset. Gabby maturing into a young woman with the courage to follower her dreams, is more than I could ever ask for. That will be the day that I have self-confirmation that I did not fail my child. 

  Q do you prioritize self-care? 

A: I just try my best to plan everything out. Of course, with so many obligations, it’s very easy to forget about you. So, the best solution for me was to purchase a planner and just plan dates to pamper myself. And it’s been working.

  

Gratiana Prince

Bella Luxe Paperie

www.etsy.com/shop/BellaLuxePaperie

 

Q: What are some tips you can share with other moms about practicing self-care? 

A: I think that making sure that you’re one of your main priorities, is an important practice. I say one, because of course, with a little one running around, you’ll have to prioritize differently. But, without you taking care of yourself, your family will suffer. I definitely set aside time, at least every 2 weeks to treat myself. Whether it’s a nail appointment, deciding I want an expensive lunch one day out of the week. I try to make myself feel special.

Q: How do you maintain a balance between your entrepreneur life and raising a child? 

A: Well, I try to squeeze in a lot of creating after bedtime. Because I work a full-time, corporate 9-5, keeping the momentum going for the shop, can be taxing. So, I try to ensure that before bed, we spend time together. We talk about her day at school, read books, watch movies; but when it’s lights out, it’s game time for me. My husband is very helpful and supportive when it comes to me being an entrepreneur. So on the days when I just have zero energy, he steps in for me. He even helps me complete orders. :)

Q: Has anyone told you that you could not balance a business while being a mother? 

A: No one has really flat out said it. But there have been people who have insinuated, that trying to balance being a wife, mother, and hustler is going to be difficult. I wear many hats, and once I’m determined to do something, I am dedicating my time to complete the task at hand, no matter how long it takes. So for those who think I can’t, just watch me!

Leylamar Santos

 Bella Luxe Paperie

www.etsy.com/shop/BellaLuxePaperie

Q: Why do you feel there is this misconception of “self-sacrifice” while being a mom? and the misconception of parents must give up their dreams?

A: The misconception of “self-sacrifice” while being a mom…I really would love to find out who was the first to think that once you become a mom, a parent in general…everything else you ever dreamed of or wanted in life is out the window!


If anything having children should be the prime reason and fuel needed to continue reaching and accomplishing those dreams. I believe that some parents may feel guilt for taking time out for them or to follow whatever dream they had previous to being parents. However doing so, in my opinion, eliminates an important lesson for those children. A lesson where they can see that no matter what obstacles, journey, or path life takes you if you really want something bad enough you still continue to work on it, even if it takes a little bit more time. Children feed off of happiness; a happy fulfilled parent can expel even more happiness to their children, so why not go for what makes you happy and take your children along for the ride.

Q: In your words, why is it important for your child to see what self-love looks like?

A: I cannot stress enough how much self-love is important.  Having the confidence in yourself and what you do is such an amazing feeling and it is definitely something that children should see not only in their parents but in anyone who surrounds them daily. I have taught my children that unfortunately the world can be cruel sometimes and they will encounter some tough moments but when they love themselves they have a sense of courage that no one can take from them.

My children actually have a little unique saying that they repeat to themselves daily, for an example one of my daughters saying is “I am Mikeyla, I am beautiful, I am smart, I can do anything I set my mind to”.  Their daily reminder of self-love.

Q: How do you maintain a balance between your entrepreneur life and raising a child?

A: Maintaining balance, in general, is an important aspect of everyday life. I maintain balance between my entrepreneur life and raising my three children by simply including them. I often allow them to sit with me so that they can see the process of what is needed to start a business and not only how much work it may take but the excitement that is brought when your vision is complete.

Paris Roland

Mompreneur Business Coach

parisroland.com

Q: What are some tips you can share with other moms about practicing self-care?

A: Taking care of yourself is critical when becoming a mom. Before your kids, it was a way of rewarding myself after a stressful week. But now that I have a family it has become a necessity. As a mother, you are the backbone/ foundation of your family. You provide the emotional, spiritual and mental support for everyone in your household. So when mom isn't taking care of herself then how would I find the strength or energy to do that for my family.

Q: Has anyone told you that you could not balance a business while being a mother?

A: Unfortunately I have been told that, and I have even told myself that lie once upon a time. It wasn't because I couldn't balance my family and my business it was simply because I didn't know how. I didn't invest the time and money into learning about balance. I just figured it would come naturally. Boy was I wrong. Balance is something you really have to consistently work towards. It just doesn't pop up out of thin air.

Q: How do you maintain a balance between your entrepreneur life and raising a child?

A: First let me say that it's hard. Very hard. But the most important factor that helps me balance being a mompreneur is getting up early. I get up 1-2 hours earlier than everyone in my household and I strictly use that time for myself. I ground myself in prayer and meditation. Some days I give myself a facial or paint my nails a pretty color. Once you become a mom, having time to yourself during regular hours is very rare. I'm either working or tending to my family. Before I began to get up early I was becoming very frustrated with my life because I never had to time myself. And I also didn't have time to go to a fancy spa.

Zenaida Soria

Dream Trips 

Q: What are some tips you can share with other moms about practicing self-care?

A: It's so vital to take care of yourself as a mom. One of the first things I do in the morning is to begin my day in prayer and gratitude. I then listen or read a daily devotional so that the first thing I get in the morning fill me up.

Q: How do you maintain a balance between your entrepreneur life and raising a child?

A: Acceptance that things won't be balanced. There are times when laundry isn't done and someone has to pick up the kids. There are also times that I have to put down my phone or laptop and be present with my children. Whatever I'm doing, I must be present in that moment. 

Q: What do you do on your free time?

A: Sleep. Joking aside, as an entrepreneur sometimes the lines between work and free time are very blurred. I can go for a walk on a Tuesday morning at 10 am if my schedule allows it. But I love to travel! 

 

 

 

Jhanelle Rivera